I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
