do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
