i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
