last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
