I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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