i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
