We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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