new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
