if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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