I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
