Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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