video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Actions speak louder than pants.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
