I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
