she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You pole danced in your parka.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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