Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh god it's open bar.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
