I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
