My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
