This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
