Hey man sorry I got all grabby
okay pat passed out under dana's car
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
