I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
