im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
