First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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