fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
