Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
