It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
