.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
