dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
