i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
