i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
