i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
