if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
