New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
