Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
