That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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