Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
