a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
