the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
