i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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