Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
