And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
