dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
