i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize