Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Found your dick twin last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
