Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
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You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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