Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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