dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
