so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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