I wanna bring you to show and tell
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
