I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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