I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
