my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize