i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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