I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
