i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize