I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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