I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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