Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
