There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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