Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
