I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
