i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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