I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
