just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
