Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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