my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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