girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
