He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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