I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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