woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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